Winter Wonderland

When the buns fill with saffron, you know what that means.

Winter time is here.

We’re going to need to suffer through a julkonsert.

Well, not everyone suffers.

We’re also going to need a photo studio.

To qualify for some official documentation.

We’re going to need some gifts.

Or punishments, depending on your definition.

We’re going to need to burn ourselves and make a big mess.

Then it’s gonna take something to drag us away from our beer.

It’s gonna take an airplane to get me off the ground.

Now, in my evil empire, I…

can visit my absolute favorite family member!

There are some other people around too, I guess.

One of them teaches me how to solve complex problems.

Two of them take me to a satanic ritual.

Three of them gang up on the one that can’t defend himself.

My bestie is not impressed.

I have to leave him behind to get to middle America.

Where I meet my absolute favorite friend!

There are some other people around too, I guess.

We dream of having respectable jobs.

But our only respectable things are schnitzels.

We can’t get no respect.

Nor can Santa.

Benjamin, on the other hand, basks in respect.

Benjamin Franklin, who sailed this very ship to the Americas in 1492.

I can’t decide if I want pork bologna with snail.

Or a bahn mi.

But I know I don’t want cheesesteaks.

I definitely want alley art.

And rabbit tacos.

And I definitely want tater tots.

Back south, and there’s my other even more favorite family member!

With important family history to share.

Dolly has a tomte collection.

And christmas-themed Children of the Corn.

And my favorite family member!

We share plenty of christmas hugs.

It’s always christmas here!

Even further south, it’s my favorite family members!

There are some other people around too, I guess.

And they’ve got punsch.

And they’ve got kantareller.

And they’ve got lax.

It’s like I never left home.

Except there are more birds here.

For now.

But they’re safe with me.

Down south they’ve got christmas octopus.

And christmas casserole.

And christmas puzzles.

The rest of the family is souther still.

And souther than them is a diversity of corn.

Outside is more christmas octopus.

And a christmas cannolo.

There’s a christmas foam-rubber metal bar.

With a christmas popeye.

With christmas masks.

And there’s plenty of christmas tots.

It’s a christmas feast for all.

Then it’s post-christmas time in Richmond.

We find some post-christmas ruins.

With the post-christmas native trees.

With the post-christmas groundhog.

Brandon thinks hard about what he wants out of life.

He thinks long and hard.

He brings in a backup thinker.

And decides he wants some post-christmas soup.

That is arranged.

The forest service doesn’t want us to die.

They’re annoyed with the 10 people who came before us.

But we need to get our steps in somehow.

And get our selfies somehow.

But we don’t see any bears.

So we’ll take our chances.

Finally, I say farewell to all of the family.

And back north and norther I go.